Tuesday, October 17, 2023
Sometimes I think about all the money I have spent on medicine and therapy trying to gain mental health, and the much larger amount insurance companies have paid, and it’s hard for me to believe that it is worth it.
I know that is coming from a place of darkness. I know a human life is supposed to be worth an inestimable amount. But I just can’t bring myself to believe that these are resources well-invested. Given the very little I contribute to the world, and my doubts about my future contributions, I can’t help but wonder if it wouldn’t be better for all concerned if I died. Why keep pouring money down a hole that can never be filled up?
I take much more than I give back. It is not rational to spend so many resources saving someone who doesn’t even want to be alive.
Black Hole Radiation 