Depression and Identity

Saturday, November 25, 2023

Paraphrase of a quotation by Matt Haig (whoever that is)

Mental health problems don’t define who you are, they are something you experience. If you walk in the rain you feel the rain, but you are not the rain.

This is a nice quote, and it is important to remember that my identity really comes from my abilities and my values, not my mood. But since my mood has affected my abilities and values, the reality is not as simple as all that. I may not be the rain, but I am soaked to the core.

For example, I tend to be passive. Is that my personality, or is it because there isn’t anything I want or care about enough to move me to action? If I could get excited about things or desire things urgently I might act differently.

I tend to shy away from conflict. That’s definitely part personality, but it’s reinforced by my feeling that it is just not worth it to argue about things I don’t care about. When I get impatient and irritable I have no problem being snotty to people about minor things.

I don’t like to be the one to make choices for a group. In part that’s because I don’t want to be responsible if there is a negative outcome for someone. In part it’s because I really don’t care where I go to eat or what activity I engage in.

[I am not materialistic. Is that because I have good values? Or is it because there isn’t anything that I want? I can’t think of one material object that it would give me pleasure to acquire or own right now. –ed.]