Don’t ask me what the title of this post signifies. It just popped into my head. Weariness? Ennui? A brutal statement of physical fact (where else could we be)?
I’m in another “trough” in my recovery. I have good weeks, sometimes very good weeks, followed by bad. The last bad period was “grey.” Just the usual feelings of disinterest and tiredness, the lack of motivation, interest, and ability to feel pleasure that I have become accustomed to over the last decade or more. It lasted 8 days, which was annoying, but I managed to keep my forward momentum and it wasn’t too bad.
This time I am back in “blue,” or worse. Let me tell you that it is every bit as painful as I remember. Yesterday I was able to keep mostly in the grey by just not thinking about it. I distracted myself with reading, TV, and naps. Today? I don’t know.
Obviously I haven’t felt like writing for a while, but my last post was not overly cheery so I thought I ought to at least check in. Yep, still alive. Heart still beating, blood still flowing. For what it’s worth. Hey, maybe that should have been my title.
Black Hole Radiation 