Ugh. What is this even? I am well acquainted with misery, so nothing new there. But just the aimlessness of it this time. The feeling that I no longer have control of my mind, if I ever did in the first place. Just a bad few weeks, after I really felt some optimism about the trajectory of my mental health for the first time in a long while.
Today was a good day. No pain. Was able to enjoy things like: the weather, birds, walking. Even doing chores was better, in the sense that I did not have to twist my own arm and force myself through while putting off half the work until later.
Today feels like walking. As opposed to trudging. Or crawling on hands and knees. Or, too often, dragging myself along as best I can on my belly.
Best not to think about that too much. Or about what tomorrow might be like.
Ugh.
Black Hole Radiation 